The Grey Zone
by elloimthedoctor
Summary: There is a place unknown even to the Doctor- surrounded with grey, metal walls, the place that creates and destroys the paradox. The Doctor faces inner conflicts as he encounters his former incarnation and his beloved companion. Eleven/Rose


The Grey Zone

1.

"Everything going okay down there?"

Amy said, poking her head out from the console, checking on the Doctor and wondering what the previous outlandish remark was about. Not getting translated into English, Amy assumed it was something the Doctor wouldn't really want her to hear. But to her surprise, the Doctor continued to reply in a peculiar language that Amy could not comprehend.

"Amy?" The Doctor's voice called.

As she heard her name, Amy was going down the stair to the bottom of the TARDIS. The Doctor seemed rather irritated. Amy approached to the Doctor who was pointing and poking the sonic screwdriver to a huge wired machine, which seems to be horribly damaged. Black smokes, bits of electricity over wires, and the annoyed Doctor. Not good.

"What's wrong with this?"

"I don't have a bloody idea," was what the Doctor meant to say, but clearly it wasn't delivered to Amy who was standing there, blankly staring at the Doctor.

"I'm sorry, but what?"

"You don't understand what I'm saying. That means, the whole TARDIS translation interface broke, which is very very bad." The Doctor said. Still not translated. Amy, very confused, followed the Doctor who was walking up to the console while fidgeting with his sonic screwdriver.

"Good. No use."

"That was English!"

"Obviously. I am speaking English."

"What? Then what was the language you were speaking all the time?"

"The Official Language of Universe 2.7 established by Rustreo Language Act in year 18,004, which should have translated to you in English."

"But you also speak English? Actually know the language?"

"Why not. I speak lots of languages. I speak Baby, too." The Doctor made a weird noise that was something similar to the babies crying. "Multi-lingual, to put it in a way. Usually people-aliens- don't learn the foreign languages because there's always translation circuit somewhere. But I was always fascinated by other languages." The Doctor started to push some buttons on the console. "But you'll have to consider that I am speaking a foreign language, which means I can mix up some grammars or words. Just ignore it. It won't be long until I get the TARDIS in a good shape anyway."

"So you do know what's wrong with her?"

"Nope. No idea. But we can fix her."

"Then aren't we supposed to land somewhere to fix her up? I thought you said manipulating TARDIS in the vortex is a great risk to take."

"I won't have to," the Doctor said. The screen came up, with a view of what was going on around the TARDIS. "We're already landed."

"Landed? But I didn't hear any noise! Where is it?"

"Well, let's find out. She'll need to cool off for a moment."

"Another unexpected adventure, is it?"

"Yup." Hopefully not with a bad ending, he thought to himself. The Doctor frowned as he remembered what happened previously with unintended landings. Mostly not good, sometimes better, but usually involving huge events and huge… losses.

The Doctor approached to the door with Amy right behind him. As soon as they went out, the TARDIS door slammed shut.

"Was that you?"

"No," Amy refuted innocently.

"I feel there's something queer going on." The Doctor looked around as if someone was watching them. Amy looked slightly uncomfortable, what if this was some kind of trick and was meant to lead them to tragedy? Amy shivered, and tried to let her thoughts off of possible bad things that are going to happen.

"Doctor?"

The Doctor himself was feeling very uneasy. Grey, metal walls high up with glimpse of grey sky were all he could recognize in the scene. He didn't realize the place TARDIS has brought them. This problem, the kind he never really faced recently, brought back some painful memories where he and his former companions have encountered many dangerous situations and as a result, losing people he had loved so much.

"Where are we?"

"Absolutely no idea."

The Doctor sonic-ed the grey walls surrounding them. There was no reading. It seemed that it was just a pair of straight, parallel walls forming a narrow path. And since TARDIS has blocked the one way, the only way they could take was the opposite way to the TARDIS.

"Come along, Pond. Seems like someone has prepared a big surprise party."

"Wow, you could joke."

"I try."

The Doctor and Amy walked along the wall. Although neither mentioned, the great tension was among them, each other worrying about what was going to happen. The horrified silence was broken by a noise familiar to both of them.

"What the-"

"Doctor, what's happening?"

The sound of TARDIS whooshing was the last thing the Doctor had ever expected in this situation- all broken, not even able to recover the translation interface, TARDIS couldn't possibly work. But it was the familiar sound of TARDIS, the Doctor didn't doubt about it. What is happening to her?

The answer, though, was quite easy. He quickly found out what had happened to his TARDIS: nothing at all. She was still standing in the same place. The one that made the noise started to materialize itself in front of the Doctor and Amy, giving horrors to both. Can this possibly happen now? With TARDIS unstable, yes, the time line could be mixed up, but how so soon? He had just regenerated from tenth to eleventh, only traveled in new TARDIS for few times. How can TARDIS be unstable so quick? Breaking up and repairing her was a process of some regenerations including this time; because the regeneration energy radiated was over what she could handle, TARDIS has fixed herself up. Does this mean that the repair along with regeneration weren't over yet? Or was someone trying to break up the TARDIS and twist the timeline? With the complicated hypothesis the Doctor couldn't be more confused, but when two people, his older self and a blond girl came out of TARDIS, his brain stopped.

Numbed, the Doctor stared at his just prior form, which had a very curious facial expression. As he slowly moved his eyes down and saw the face which also was filled with wonders, he let out a short groan under his breathe. Although it has been only few days since he last visited her, the Doctor felt his hearts moving in an extraordinary beats as he saw the blond girl.

"Rose." The Doctor almost whispered. Rose seemed to be surprised to hear her name.

"You- you know my name?"

Next to the Doctor, Amy was very confused- another TARDIS? A blond girl whom the Doctor knows the name of?

"Doctor, what's going on?"

"What? What do you mean by that?" The younger Doctor with blue suit on asked sharply.

"You know very well what it means." The eleventh Doctor replied rather calmly. He was still staring at Rose. "I am the Doctor. Eleventh, to be specific. Just regenerated few days ago."

"Oh." The tenth Doctor looked at his future self blankly. "Hello."

"Doctor? What is it?" Amy asked, still suspicious. "Who is he?"

"I am him. He is me. I'm the Doctor." Tenth Doctor explained. Eleven was just looking at Rose in silence. "Every time we get near death, our body heals up and regenerates into a different person. I've done that nine times, and he's done it ten. In the future I will eventually regenerate and become him. In his timeline, just few days ago he regenerated from me to him."

"Just few days ago? You mean when you crashed into my garden when I we first met?"

"What? Y- yes. That was it. I crashed into your garden. TARDIS did, actually, all damage because of my regeneration energy."

"So you're right after him?" Rose asked. Eleven seemed quite uncomfortable with her as both Amy and Ten noticed.

"Yes, I am."

"And you travel with a different companion now?"

"…Yes." Eleventh Doctor hesitated a little and answered. "Um, well, Rose, this is Amelia Pond, Amy, this is Rose Tyler, my former companion, and my tenth self."

"You looked like that just before you crashed into my garden? That sounds bit weird, but still, hello." Amy said cheerfully, trying to lighten up the awkward atmosphere, which didn't quite do the job.

"By the way- where is this place? I can't even guess." Ten said, looking around.

"Me neither."

"Well, that's not a good sign."

"Very bad. And the worst of all, I don't have a single memory of this event. Never saw my eleventh self." Eleven looked very worried. "And also, we're stuck, thanks to your TARDIS getting into our way. Stuck between two TARDISes."

"We couldn't really do anything about it, she just randomly landed here!" Rose protested as she felt negative feeling toward them inside Eleven.

"Well then, that's a bigger problem because none of the TARDISes can move. Which means us four are stuck here, and the longer we stay together the more complicated the time distort will be." Eleven said in a rather harsh voice, staring at Rose. He didn't know what was going on with him. He felt angry. Just seeing Rose Tyler with his former self made him angry. Was it because they looked so happy together? Or was it because he felt guilty and angry at himself for losing her? But that's over, Eleven told himself, as he did so many times after he had lost the loved ones. It's over, and I need to move on. But how? The rage and sadness poured into him. He lost Rose, had to give up on Donna, and most recently he had to watch only hope that he wasn't the last one of his species die out as the Master was destroyed. How was he supposed to move on? How in the world could he not feel the fear when meeting someone and be afraid that he will lose this one like others? Would it be over if he regenerated into a new person? No, because he remembered every one of them whom he had lost. They were still part of him, and they made him what he was now. The guilt, the hatred, and every possible emotion he had to lock them up inside himself. His body had regenerated and his mind and memory survived, but the hearts, deep in the hearts, he was already dead.

But at the same time he wasn't. In front of him, the man was still alive. _I_ am still alive. His former self was happy and his hearts beat with the love and will to live. Why did I have to die? I wouldn't be if I didn't lose her. I wouldn't be dead if I had her with me, the one who healed up the scars within me. I could stop suffering from the loss and guilt of destroying my own people. I didn't have to die. I was dead when I saw my planet burn and fall into pieces. But I physically managed to survive, and Rose, my dear girl, she made me alive. If I don't lose her ever again, I wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I would be alive.

Eleven felt his nails pinch into his palm as he rounded up his fist. This was a chance. This was an opportunity he was given to change the history. In this unknown place, maybe he was allowed to disobey the rules of time and space. The tempting hope started to spread in his mind. He had done it once already- he was tired of losing people. He already broke the law, so second time would be easier. He knew how to do it, and if he could change it, then he wouldn't have to lose anyone else- with Rose, he didn't have to meet Donna and feel the pain of losing her; he didn't need to go to the end of the time and watch his friend die; and maybe, if he did that, he wouldn't have to regenerate to this form-oh, how much he hated being a new man- for a long time.

Eleven looked at Rose, who had an elusive expression on her face. That look of Rose made Eleven speculate that she knows what is going on his mind. Surely she had realized he had lost her, and by the look and reaction of him, it would have been an easy guess to picture their farewell.

"Well, em, I will try to do some repairs of my TARDIS to see if I can get her onto the regular condition. I think I could use some help, Miss Pond." Ten said, feeling the need to leave two with themselves. Eleven seemed surprised but within the glimpse of his eyes, Ten could see gratitude in it.

"Oh, please, just call me Amy." Amy said, going into Ten's TARDIS, half fascinated and half confused, but not so obtuse to hang around with Eleven and Rose.

As they disappeared into the TARDIS, Rose approached to Eleven and leaned against him. Eleven just stood there, looking down at Rose. He had forgotten how beautiful she was. The pink cheeks, the line of her body, the scent of rosy perfume, and the brown eyes. Her eyes, so beautiful, so deep, even deeper than his owns, sucked up every possible thing on his mind. "Rose." He finally whispered. How he missed calling that name. How he missed everything Rose had put into his memory, and how terribly painful it was when you realize there is no one to answer when you call that name.

"I don't have any idea what is going to happen to us," Rose started. "but I know that you didn't abandon me. I know that for sure, that you didn't want me to go."

"…I never did, and I never do." Eleven said weakly.

"Doctor, you are a good man. Promise me; just promise me that you won't do anything dangerous because of me." Rose pleaded, grabbing Eleven's hand. Eleven felt the heartbeat of Rose, the warm temperature of her body. He closed his eyes.

Rose doesn't know what's going to happen. She doesn't know that she's going to lose him and he would lose her- she doesn't know the pain of losing, pain that feels like your heart is getting carved out, every little body cells crying and burning, and the sorrow when you realize there's nothing you can do about it. She didn't have to know, though. The Doctor opened his eyes. He could take her with him, right now, and she won't have to go through the pain. The Doctor felt his uneasy, unstable part of self slowly taking the control. Right now was the chance. He could take Rose's hand and go into his own TARDIS, and be gone.

'But would she like that? Would she be happy then? Would she want you threatening the existence of universe by creating paradox just to make her feel comfortable? She has belief in you, and you know for yourself that you will not fail her. You know better than that.' He thought, trying to straighten his mind. He wasn't a fool, yes, he knew better than that.

"I promise." He finally said.

"Good. Good, Doctor. Thank you." Rose smiled. The Doctor thought he was going to cry, out of sorrow but also happiness. The utter confusion of feelings made him choke on himself, trying to push the tears down. But no tears, it's a happy day, he thought. I got to meet Rose once again.

"I thought I would never be able to see you again." Eleven whispered as he tightly hugged his former companion. "I don't even know if I deserve this, right now."

"You're always welcomed for a hug." Rose smiled. Traces of tears were visible on her cheeks. Eleven touched Rose's face, a girl who was once lost, a girl he had loved so much, a girl who was kind enough to grant happiness to a miserable man whom she hardly knew.

"What about more?" Eleven whispered, slowly closing onto Rose's face. Rose closed her eyes. As two lips touched, Eleven felt as if he was alive again. He wished that this was not a dream. He wished that this moment would never end. But kiss was short, and aftermath was unbearable and he felt like his hearts were falling into pieces.

"Rose." Eleven murmured, tears deeply permeated in his voice. "I-"

"Well, well, you two, I think that's enough private time for them, don't you think, Doctor?"

"Yeah, absolutely."

Amy was leaning against the TARDIS door and Ten was standing next to her. Rose rubbed her eyes and looked back at her Doctor.

"So I'm guessing it's all fixed up?"

"Yes. It was just, ya know, TARDIS probably had a temporal paradoxical breakdown or something. But she's fine now."

"Okay, then." Rose turned her head back to the future Doctor. "It's time to say goodbye."

No, not again. Eleven thought. "…Rose." His previous self was giving him a warning look. Ah, yes, Eleven murmured. Ten would be erasing all the memory of this, from Rose, and from himself. Whatever the consequences may be, Rose will never remember it, and he won't either. Why bother? Eleven thought. There is no changing. History, fixed points can not be changed.

"I want you to be happy, Rose Tyler." Eleven said. "Until I see you again."

"Will do, Doctor." Rose replied. She headed herself near her Doctor's TARDIS while Amy was approaching to Eleven. "Goodbye. It was a pleasure to meet you."

Then it was another goodbye. Rose disappeared into the TARDIS door. The eleventh Doctor stood there as it dematerialized. He silently touched his lips with a fingertip. He could feel the warmth of Rose's lips. It was still there.

"Goodbye, Rose."

Back at his own TARDIS, all set up and looking brand new, Eleven fiddled with plotters and buttons. Amy appeared next to him, wondering what he was going through.

"There's one thing I need to get done before we move on."

He grabbed some kind of helmet out of the console storage. "Put this on."

"What is it?"

"It's for your own sake." Doctor muttered as he put on the same thing on his head. After sonic-ing both of the helmets few times, Doctor made a very elusive face, an expression Amy had seen from that of Rose's. "Amy, close your eyes."

"Now, then. Girl." The Doctor whispered to TARDIS in a wet voice. Amy wanted to open her eyes and find out what was going on with him, but she quietly stood still as the Doctor hissed in a hoarse voice. "Do it."

Only thing Amelia Pond could remember was the white light, lots and lots of it. Few moments later, she found herself lying on the floor of console.

"$ #%^##$% ##$!#!" It was Doctor's voice coming from downstairs but speaking an unfamiliar language to Amy. He seemed to be having problems with the technology Amy assumed, when she heard the sonic screwdriver's buzzing sound.

"Everything going okay down there?"


End file.
